SAM'S MUD BATH

Look at me! Do I look muddy to you? No, I know I don't - because I'm not. Not muddy, I mean! But I was - before the bath Mum just insisted on.

Sometimes I don't understand Mum. That is, I don't understand her attitude to mud. I try to tell her that there's nothing better than rolling in the stuff, but she doesn't seem to hear me.

Take today. We're staying with our friends Barbara and David out in the country and I've been on my best behavior. Before she went off to the shops in Ludlow with Barbara this morning, Mum took me for a long walk, keeping me on my lead for some reason. I don't like being kept on my lead.

Then off Mum and Barbara went, leaving me asleep in front of the fire while David sat in his big chair reading his newspaper. Once they'd gone and David had finished reading, he said: "How about a walk, Sam?"

Well, I was instantly on my paws, hoping he wouldn't remember I'd already had my walk. As he opened the door I saw that he didn't have my lead in his hand. Things were getting better and better. Then we set off along the same lane I'd walked along with Mum. But I didn't have the same feeling as before. I felt wonderfully free to explore.

So I explored all the sniffs I couldn't quite reach earlier ... all the trees and fallen leaves ... all the puddles Mum had steered me from.

There was one really stupendous puddle and I threw myself right into the middle of it. Then I rolled over and over, kicking my legs in the air and loving every minute. I think David might have called me once or twice but I couldn't really hear him. I was having such fun in the lovely sticky mud.

He didn't look happy, though, when he took me home. "I think we're both going to be in the dog-house when the women get back," he muttered worriedly. "I never expected you to do that, Sam!"

Do what? Sometimes humans are really odd.

I expect you can guess the rest. When Mum saw me - and when she and Barbara saw the cream carpet that had a new pattern on - they both had lots to say to David about the fact that the Shropshire brand of mud was not just sticky, but also red.

Mum also mentioned - more than once - that I'd been newly bathed and groomed for our little holiday here and now she'd have to start on me all over again. Oh heck!